Come and hear, all ye that fear God,
and I will declare what he hath done for my soul. -Psalm 66:16
Note: This is part one of a two part article. At the bottom of this post will be a link to continue on to part two.
I once was stuck in that bland zone between hot and cold; many call it “lukewarm.” When I think of lukewarm I imagine a pasty, solidified globule of room-temperature oatmeal sitting on the counter, or maybe a cup of over-sugared tea that was left to steep and then forgotten for several hours.
Both of these are unpalatable and really quite useless unless you nuke them in the microwave for a bit. Back in the day lukewarm was basically the sum of my zeal for God. I was about as enthusiastic as plain, mushy oatmeal.
As a kid I went to Church with the family every now and again. Ma and Dad dragged me there for Sunday School or what not, but it kind of just felt like something I was supposed to do.
George Washington, Winston Churchill, Julius Caesar, Moses?:
My acquisition of knowledge about Bible stories at church was no different than a history lesson at a regular school. Yah sure, I went to school cause I had to and they would teach me about a person or event in history. I would learn it, go home, watch cartoons, and not really think about it again.
Same with the stories in the Bible. Somewhere in the cobwebs of my mind, tucked away like wilted, yellowing bookmarks were Moses, Abraham, Joshua…and a man named Jesus.
I was “Sort of” Christian:
All my life I had believed…sort of. I identified as a Christian…sort of. I didn’t think about it much though. I guess I was “sort of” a Christian. Either way, my spiritual low point had to be when I went away to college…
I Had No Scruple About Being a Worldly Pupil:
College was an amazing experience. It was full of opportunity. I took full advantage of the college experience and to this day I still get sentimental about that time. It was a high point in every aspect of my life except for my walk as a Christian.
During my undergraduate programs, I attended secular universities. The majority of my friends were not Christians. My boyfriend was certainly not Christian. My family at the time was in a state of lukewarm Christianity like myself. I had fully stopped attending church at this point as well. I had no Christian connections. None.
I learned a lot of amazing things at those schools, but in retrospect I was also learning many things that were contradictory to the Word of God. Pppppfff….but I didn’t care. Not much at all. I had too much going for me.
Accomplishment is Next to Godliness….Right?:
I was on top of the world. I was learning about all types of philosophies and worldviews. I was hanging out and drinking coffee with open-minded, diverse people. My grades were on point. I was inducted into three honor societies and made regular appearances on both the Dean’s and Chancellor’s List.
I was just one heck of a busy little bee. I was working on helping to edit the school’s literary magazine and getting articles published in the school newspaper. I was performing music at open mic nights. I had an awfully cute boyfriend too. Yah. I guess I was pretty pleased with myself…
One Part Christianity, A Dash of Moral Relativity, Two Parts Naturalism, and Just a Pinch of Spiritualism:
At this point in time, I was starting to doubt a lot of what I saw as outdated, lofty Bible stories. I didn’t discount the Bible totally because I was an “awesome,” “free thinking” person.
My worldview started to become a thin, scummy soup that was over powered by too many competing flavors and spices. My logic at the time? “Hey, the New Testament isn’t all too bad. That Jesus guy was nice. I’ll keep Him in the mix somewhere…maybe.” I was starting to stir together a lot of opposing ideas and principles. The result was a sludgy gruel of contradiction and gray area. On top of that, it was a lukewarm soup.
I was happy in college, but I fell far from God. Considering I had never been that strong in my faith to begin with, I was becoming quite lost. A few years later, I graduated. That is when I got stuck in a professional and an emotional rut that dragged me down to my life’s lowest point.
Check out Part 2 of my Testimony HERE.
Featured Photo Attribution is my own. “Golden Fall,” By K Marie, Taken in Door County Wisconsin.